Billy Zane’s Gone Green

Billy Zane has officially jumped on the Celebrity Gone Green bandwagon but only so that people will no longer call him gay when he drives around in his Prius.

Billy Zane Reads

Billy Zane tried to revive his career by going to the bookstore, and asking for a self-help book called “How I Got My Sexy Back” by Justin Timberlake.

Super Herpes

Billy Zane gave your girlfriend herpes twice.

You may wonder how this is possible, as if you catch herpes once you have it for life.

Sure we already know that Billy Zane already contracted/invented his own type of Super Herpes called Zanekroiditis, but we did not know that this could be contracted multiple times with exponential symptoms.

Holiday Lists

Here at Billy Zane Sucks, we’re a fan of the holidays. And we know that there are a lot of times when you are looking for that perfect gift for that special someone. We know that there are a lot of options there, so we’ve decided to narrow those thousands of choices down by ten. Here are the top 7 movies to never give to anyone that you respect as a human being. Why? Because Billy Zane ruined them.

1. The Phantom
2. Titanic
3. Back To The Future
4. Pocahontas II: Journey to a New World
5. Bloodrayne
6. Sniper
7. Tombstone

So check your list twice … to make sure none of this shit is on it.

Subway

Billy Zane has flunked out of three schools: elementary school, high school and Subway sandwich school. He also doesn’t eat fresh.

Billy Zane’s iPhone

Through exclusive sources, we have obtained Billy Zane’s iPhone. Here’s what we found:

Sucking Vs Time

This is a graph of Billy Zane Sucking over Time

1) This was Billy Zane’s mom decided to abort eight and a half months into her pregnancy, after she consulted a Magic 8Ball to predict her son’s future.

2) This was when Billy decided that he wanted to become and actor/model

3) This when he got his first bit part in “Back to the Future Part 1&2“

4) Billy’s career as a professional actor/model

5) At this point out Suck-O-Meter broke. (no worries we are going to soon replace it with the Gay-dar)

6) Notice how this is before zero on the timeline. That’s because Billy Zane sucked before Billy Zane even existed.

E.D.

They call it “Erectile Dysfunction” because the term “Billy Zane-itis” was trademarked.

Billy Zane Started Racism

Billy Zane is responsible for racism. Here’s why:

1. Billy Zane supports Hillary Clinton
2. This means he hates Barak Obama
3. Hating Obama means you hate black people
4. Hating black people is racist
5. So Billy Zane is a racist

But wait… how does that make his responsible for racism? Simple. Billy Zane is a celebrity (kind of). And we all know that people imitate celebrities. So he’s making racism “cool” by being a racist celebrity. So the next time you hear a kid say a racist comment, don’t blame the parents. Blame Billy Zane.