Billy Zane’s Latest Job

Billy Zane’s career has sunk so low that the only acting gig he could get was as a mall Santa at the “Market” Strip Mall in San Antonio. But he showed up 4 months early, dressed up as Santa and spent time scaring small children. Why? Because whenever a kid came up to him, he told them that Santa was dead and he was “The Phantom” filling in. Only Billy Zane can ruin Christmas in August.

Billy Zane Sucks – A Haiku

billy zane sucks balls
giant german dyson balls
sweet autumn leaves fall

Subway

Billy Zane has flunked out of three schools: elementary school, high school and Subway sandwich school. He also doesn’t eat fresh.

Santa

Billy Zane dressed up as Santa to give away presents at St. Jude’s orphanage. He got drunk and told 147 parentless kids that there was no Santa, thereby ruining Christmas.

Down Under

Billy Zane applied for Australian citizenship and got rejected.

Billy Zane’s iPhone

Through exclusive sources, we have obtained Billy Zane’s iPhone. Here’s what we found: